My name's Juan Schwartzman, and I very recently had to give away my pet rock. It was a tough decision, and many tears were shed all around, but it was for the best, really. It was sedimentary (gross), and easily bordering on half a ton. It's tough enough for me to feed myself as a college student living alone, so expecting me to take care of a rock was just out of the question. I'm sure that wherever it ended up (we pushed it off of a hill), it's happy now, and is probably surrounded by a plethora of igneous and metamorphic friends. And yes, even other sedimentary friends too. A fun fact about me is that I'm an awful liar and/or storyteller.

My favorite Buckeye is probably John Backderf, the Cleveland-area cartoonist/satirist. I had no idea he was a Buckeye until I saw his name on the list of famous Ohio State University alumni on Wikipedia, but I went to school with his son, Max, and we were friends, so picking his dad seems like the obvious choice. It's not his cartoon strip that makes him my favorite Buckeye, however, but rather what he chose to name his son. In typical (irreverent) Backderf fashion, he named his firstborn child Max Volume Backderf. Yep. And he was best friends with Jeffrey Dahmer, so the list of crazy and interesting facts about John "Derf" Backderf goes on and on.
This is me circa last year.